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Literature Text
Today, I think I'll rise in love
like hot air and steam that rushes
from spouts and shrilly keens
it's strident call of readiness
to meld powders into liquid form
it makes of a mug a homogeneous mess
I can curl my tongue around it and still taste
bitterness; undisguised by sugars guiles
diversity is not so sweet as it once seemed
Today, I think I'll rise in love
I peeled labels off of jars last night
they say it's therapeutic
I can't remember their contents
but it does not matter, for these labelled walls
break down libel and I can breathe
verbs, and adjectives instead, not nouns
my world is made up now of shifting sounds
that leave no individual behind.
Today, I think I'll rise in love
let others fall, this is no Eden state
I don't want More, to feel such hate
I'll start with but one place of grace
and bar its entry without lust
admittance is given only via trust
I'll hold this, a place in aerie cloud
one that would make any heaven proud
but still here I lie beneath my sheets...
Today, I think I'll rise in love.
like hot air and steam that rushes
from spouts and shrilly keens
it's strident call of readiness
to meld powders into liquid form
it makes of a mug a homogeneous mess
I can curl my tongue around it and still taste
bitterness; undisguised by sugars guiles
diversity is not so sweet as it once seemed
Today, I think I'll rise in love
I peeled labels off of jars last night
they say it's therapeutic
I can't remember their contents
but it does not matter, for these labelled walls
break down libel and I can breathe
verbs, and adjectives instead, not nouns
my world is made up now of shifting sounds
that leave no individual behind.
Today, I think I'll rise in love
let others fall, this is no Eden state
I don't want More, to feel such hate
I'll start with but one place of grace
and bar its entry without lust
admittance is given only via trust
I'll hold this, a place in aerie cloud
one that would make any heaven proud
but still here I lie beneath my sheets...
Today, I think I'll rise in love.
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I don't want to fall in love
this is my choice
I'll raise my voice
to make a chorus up above
this is my choice
I'll raise my voice
to make a chorus up above
© 2016 - 2024 DeiSophia
Comments9
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I like this poem a lot. The concept of "rising" in love is an interesting subversion of the typical falling metaphor. I enjoyed the assonance and consonance that worked together to give this piece a unified flow. Lovely work over all. Sorry that I didn't do a formal critique but I could try to include one later if you like.
My only meaningful criticism is that I think the title could be stronger. "Today" feels bland to me and it doesn't quite evoke or connect to the content of the poem. It could still be something short, like "Rise." Of course it's possible that I'm missing a connection, and as always I respect people's artistic choices. I'm just relaying my subjective feedback.
My only meaningful criticism is that I think the title could be stronger. "Today" feels bland to me and it doesn't quite evoke or connect to the content of the poem. It could still be something short, like "Rise." Of course it's possible that I'm missing a connection, and as always I respect people's artistic choices. I'm just relaying my subjective feedback.